Kari (Karbine, Karita, Kay-chan)'s Poems

[Kari]

Who Am I to Say?

Who am I to say
That I am something.
Who am I to say
That my words matter.
Who am I to say
That my existence is meaningful.
Who am I to say
That I am anything

I may not be old
I may not be young
But how can I show who I am...
When even I don't know.

Should I die tomorrow...
Would someone be able to see
The essence of who was me.
Would anyone say I was something?
Would my words have mattered?
Would my existence be meaningful to someone?
Would what I did mean anything?

Who am I to say?

Goodbye

We shared laughter,
We shared tears,
We had fun,
Throughout the years.

Every minute,
Every day,
You were there,
With the right things to say.

Now I have to go,
And leave you behind,
But never forget me,
For you'll be in my mind.

And I must bid you ado,
Farewell my friend,
I have much to do,
Don't forget I love you.

I'm just a Kid

"Great job"
Why is it so hard for you to get out
Aren't you proud of me?
Are you ashamed?
I don't know why life has made you this way

"I love you"
Why is it so hard for you to say
Maybe you haven't felt this way
But I keep holding on
To this feeling
Hopefully it won't be long
Until my head stops reeling

I'm just a kid
I'm thirteen years old
I don't know why
You're being so cold
I don't know what I did
I don't know where to start
I don't know if there's even a place for me
In your heart

"You'll do great"
I've heard these words before
But not towards me
It seems like you've closed a door
One you won't let me open up to see

"You can do it"
I've heard it said
I just wish
That you could get it in your head

Do you love me?
Because I'm a teen
And I go everyday
Thinking that no one does
Do you think of me?
I think of you and I need to know this because

I'm just a kid
I'm thirteen years old
I don't know why you're being so cold
I don't know what I did
I don't know where to start
I just want to know if there's a place for me
In your heart...

Four Years

A week without you
I already am ready to call your name
Two weeks without you
I still feel as though everything is the same

I'm ready to hear your voice
The beautiful light-hearted sound
The one that made me fall in love
Even though everyone one else was around

I'm ready to see your eyes
Both brown, both pretty
I'm ready to hear your sarcastic comments
Because you're always being witty

If I had to survive one year without you
In the back of my mind you would still always be there
If I had to survive four years without you
I'd probably die, I swear

A week, a month, a year without you
It's all the same
It will be when my heart is at it's lowest
When my mind, full of thoughts of you
Will drive me insane

Contradiction

Holding on
But at the same time letting go
Of everything I want
Of everything I know

Wanting to love
Yet I feel hate
Feelings that come quick
That won't hesitate

Wanting to blend in
Yet somehow I stand out
People say I'm pretty
But that I highly doubt

Wanting to have pride
Yet I'm really insecure
Wanting to know the truth
Yet when I hear it I'm still unsure

Another Night

There's something I have to tell you
And I know it may sound weird
Because I haven't only thought about my reaction, I've thought about yours too
And that increases my amount of fear

There's something I have to say
And truthfully I don't know how
Because I yearn to tell you everyday
So it's still scary now

You ask me what I'm scared of
And I say I'm scared of what I feel
For it's the only thing I've thought of
And I know it's all too real

You tell me to just tell you
To sit,calm down, and relax
But what you don't understand is
If I say these things
I can't take them back

If I say these things
It could change everything
And I don't know if that would be right
So I guess my feelings will have to wait
For another day, another night

What Else Can I Be?

You tell me I don't have to act so strong
But I don't know how else to be
You tell me holding in my feelings are wrong
Well I'm sorry that's just me

You tell me to open up
Let the world in
But I just don't feel like it
I don't want anyone to see me

You tell me to follow my heart
Ignore the thoughts in my head
You tell me that I think too much
But I just didn't care about what you had said

You tell me I'm pretty
But no matter what you say I won't think it is true
You say I'm the best thing that has happened
And I say if I'm all you got then I pity you too

Not Over You

This is starting to get old,
But I can’t go back from here.
I’m barely breathing,
But I force a smile,
‘Cause I can’t let you know.
I can't handle anymore lies.
I can't let myself fall any deeper.
You have my heart,
And you know it.

My fear and insecurities heighten around you.
They’re tearing me apart,
And I just can't seem to hold myself together.
I can’t let go of you as much as I want to.

I’ve seen things I never wanted,
Felt things I never believed in.
That shaky feeling I get around you.
The adrenaline rush I wish I could get rid of.
The tears I can’t keep from coming.
It’s all because of you.

I won’t let you hurt me anymore,
I won’t fall for you anymore
Loves doesn’t exist,
But I’m still falling for you.
Falling deeper into false hope,
I don’t want to lose myself.
I’m losing my heart
I’ve made my mistakes
I’ve had my regrets
But I don’t regret this.
Somehow I don’t regret you.
I’ll learn from this.
No-one will get my heart again,
‘Cause the pains real,
And I refuse to fall.

I’m not strong enough to handle this,
But I won’t break down again.
Not over you.

Look at Her

Look at her,
a broken girl,
lost alone
in a broken world.

Hear her name,
her broken voice
is a scratching sound,
a broken noise.

Touch her face,
broken dreams,
a fading wish,
she broke her wings.

Taste her lips,
a broken kiss,
empty shell,
broken bliss.

Smell her skin,
broken thought,
the pain within,
a broken heart.

Growing fear,
broken bone,
That little girl
is so alone.

Left

"You can come to me about anything," you said,
my eyes swelling with tears.
I responded with a weak nod,
just dying to jump into your arms
and hug like we used to.

Look at the little heart shaped box,
The color of rubies, wrapped in a little pink bow,
Rip it off, open the box,
Take all that it contains,
and leave me with just tears.

"I've been losing my feelings for you,"
Venom drips from those heartbreaking words.
Making me want to go back to my old ways,
Crying myself to sleep, wondering if I'll be strong enough
to make it through the next morning.

You never forget your first love,
and I doubt I'll ever forget what we shared.
Two kids shouldn't share the same heart,
One of them ends up leaving, and it's torn to pieces.

I could never be what you wanted me to be,
The happy, outgoing, lovely girl you wanted.
You called me beautiful,
in my mind, I called you blind.

I Will

If I were perfect then this would be easy.
If I were perfect then maybe I would fit in.
If I were perfect then I might have a home.
If I were perfect then maybe I wouldn't be scarred.

I will walk down the center,
I will make a new path.
I have no rules to guide me,
This is what it's like to be me.

I'm hurt by cruel glances and snickers.
I'm destroyed with evil laughs and eyes.
I'm broken by cold words and smiles.
I'm pressured into pretending to be something I'm not.

I will continues to walk down the center,
I will make a new path.
I have no rules to guide me,
You can't tell me what to do.

I'm scarred and hurt.
I'm broken and bleeding.
I'm out of place can't fine my home.
I'm too afraid to live like the me some people see

I walk down the center,
I'm making a new path.
I have no rules to guide me,
I will not be want you want me to be.

[Kari]

OHHH! I just found one of my happy poems!

We're Stonger[/u]

We're stronger than this,
We can do this right.
We can hold on together,
With all of our might.


We've been through a lot,
Though we know we can make it.
You're my best friend forever,
Just listen and face it.


I won't let go of you,
I will chase you forever.
And if one of us falls,
We'll go down together.


Our bond can survive,
We can make it through.
This friendship is real,
It is definitely true.

And a not so happy poem.

Abyss


Trying to ignore the warning signs
Pull down the shades and close the blinds
Locked inside my body trying to break free
Running through the woods of lost sanity


I feel like I am floating in an ocean of emptiness
Welcome to my dark abyss
A place where my breathing echoes of the empty walls
Where even the loudest of my screams falls


Onto the ears of my demons who haunt my past
Why does my happiness never last?
Welcome to my dark abyss
Where all you see is eerie mist


Let the darkness trap you here
Where my reality is my biggest fear
Sleep, sleep soundly little Lilith
Let the razorblade lullabies be you plinth


Sleep and drift into a dream so sweet
That kandi knocks you off your feet
Let the lights flash all the pain away
And forget tomorrow and today


Slip away because in a dark abyss
Your body shall stay
Until the it shall come, the day
When all the pain will be swept away


Until then let us sway
Let the music carry us away
Welcome to our dark abyss
Where a rave is our sweet sinful bliss

[Kari]

A Single Shard

A single shard of happiness,
A shard of love, more or less.
A single touch, his hands are soft,
A single kiss sets it off.

There is no way she will have heard
The three special, simple, dangerous words.
‘I love you,’ he says quietly,
And then she smiles happily.

So she has heard, and now she smiles,
Love lights her face, they dance all the while.
A single shard of happiness,
A shard of love, it is no guess.

He holds her tight, kisses her cheek.
She is loved, nevermore to weep.
For love that is lost,
Is once again found, at any cost.

A single shard of happiness,
A shard of love, it’s for the best.

[Kari]

Wonderland

Through the rabbit hole
down to wonderland
Alice, dear Alice
take a look at her

she's crying all alone today
not sure that love exists
her broken hearts percussion beats
beating slowly now

Alice, dear Alice
her wrists are bleeding fast
she cannot fake a smile
the pain is just too much

Alice, lovely Alice
what a shame to see
she cannot see her beauty
she's pretty as a rose

Alice, oh Alice
where is wonderland?
her wonderland is so gloomy
even tears are black as night

Alice, dear Alice
her wonderland is broken
smiles only go so far
and now is Alice's end

Selfish

I never wanted fortune,
I never wanted fame,
Never to be always talked about,
Never to make my name

And is it wrong to write?
And is it wrong to dream?
When everyone else's eyes,
Is glazed with a twilight sheen

All I ever wanted,
Was a window to be free,
Some space to tell my story,
Some space to be just me

And when you can't have that,
And you hate all that you see,
Someone else has told your story,
And someone else is flying free

You can never have a fortune,
You can never have that fame,
You will never be talked about,
You will never make your name