QUOTES of HUMOR

[KiaMii]

I think a lot of my friends at school had a great laugh because at school I'm known as the Queen of Quotes. I find quotes and I put them all over my notebook. So I'll post a quote here every once in awhile.

For hilarious events; MyLifeIsAverage.com or AverageWizard.com are awesome places that I crack up reading. I get most quotes from reading a Fanfiction.

1. “True, but we’re all out of Ramen and the cookies we got from Maddie are spoiled.” - Alex Rider, Best Friends

2. “I know you want to avoid that stalker girl whose been trying to get you to go to Spring Formal with her, and while I agree wholeheartedly for wanting to avoid that one mate, don’t you think dying is going just a little too far?” - Alex Rider, Best Friends

3. "Get this to Cupcake. Sprinkles are baked and ice cream is melted. In bakery near hell. Gold is sprinkles. Bring the rain." - Alex Rider, Best Friends

4. “I’d kill you if you weren’t so good at surviving.” - Alex Rider, Best Friends

5. “Yes. I was three, and he was getting in the way of Lord of the Rings. I was being perfectly reasonable when I bit him. It wasn’t my fault he started bleeding,” - Harry Potter, Prodigy

6. "You've reached the Association of Drunken Youth Prodigies, Drunk Youth Prodigy speaking, how may I help you?" - Harry Potter, Prodigy.

7. "A year of work. A year of practically stalking this man, and I'm too emotionally attached!" - Harry Potter, Prodigy

8. “An amazing thing called an ‘airbag’ saved me." - Harry Potter, Prodigy

9. “I know you want to avoid that stalker girl whose been trying to get you to go to Spring Formal with her, and while I agree wholeheartedly for wanting to avoid that one mate, don’t you think dying is going just a little too far?” - Alex Rider Fanfic, The Best Friends

10. “Dude, he’s got blond hair, blue eyes, and a German accent. What the heck did you think he was; Hispanic?” - Harry Potter, Prodigy

11. “Why, was Wolfie scared of the big bad American?” - Alex Rider Fanfic, An Object Lesson

12. “Trouble is only opportunity in work clothes.” - Henry J. Kaiser

13. “I feel great, actually. I found some pain killers in the glove compartment. Those six Advil’s kicked in pretty quick,” - Harry Potter, Prodigy

14. “Just do it like the last time. Tell them you got into a fight with a really, really big bull.” - Harry Potter, Prodigy.

15. “Do you mean to tell me that I jumped on a murderer, and threatened him with an empty gun?” - Harry Potter, Prodigy

16. “He actually showed a human emotion, other than a Lab Rat high!” - Harry Potter, Prodigy

17. “Fifty one point seven six!” - Harry Potter, Prodigy (For the record, its a digit message to mean F*** your mother.)

18. "Call one-eight-hundred-Blow-Me!" - Harry Potter, Prodigy

19. “I do not cheat!” yelled James. “I creatively exaggerate the rules for my own benefit when it suits my needs at the moment that the creative exaggerating of the rules for my own benefit occurs,” - Harry Potter, Prodigy

20. “Son of a banana!” - Harry Potter, Prodigy

21. "No, mademoiselle, I would not like to see the children menu I have no doubt that the children's menu itself tastes better than the meals on it" -Artemis Fowl II

22. “Mega Ultra Flame Deathsman. Hey, that’s a perfectly respectable name for a rabbit!” - Harry Potter, Oh God Not Again!

23. "I rest my cake. No, I do not mean my case." - A random thought in my head.

24. "he just wished she’d hurry up and get over him so he could pursue her" - Harry Potter, Oh God Not Again!

25. “You’ve been butt raped, have a nice day,” - Harry Potter, Prodigy

26. "It was apparent that the deepest conversation the two boys had ever had was who could fit the most marshmallows in their mouth." - Harry Potter, Prodigy

27. “Thank you. Now if you’ll excuse me, I think I’m about to cry for no reason I can think of so I’d like to be alone now.” - Harry Potter, Oh God Not Again!

28. "Raising teenagers is like nailing Jell-O to a tree!” - My homeade story Spazz Over

29. “I suppose the beer and naked woman will have to wait for next summer.” - Don't remember

30. “Why do you think I keep you around? It’s not for my sanity,” - Harry Potter, Prodigy

31. “I don’t want to eat his brains; just blast it across the room. Interesting difference, if you think about it. How many bullets do you think I could put in him before he dies? I say a dozen.” - Harry Potter, Prodigy

32. “Oh, they’re targeting cops. So you’re going to run after them screaming, ‘Freeze, I’m from the government, don’t shoot me!’?” - Harry Potter, Prodigy

33. "No, I don't have a gambling problem. I'm winning, and winning is not a problem. That's like saying Michael Jordan has a basketball problem, or Def Leppard has an awesomeness problem." - Guy named Earl

34. "Here’s my plan. We get in the car, reverse to the door, get out, get into the building and have some coffee. What do you say?” - Harry Potter, Prodigy

35. "Like a fly drawn to the light; he knew it would hurt, he just couldn’t help it." - Harry Potter, Prodigy

36. "I've never given any reason for him to be unhappy with me! I've raised him, fed him, cared for him, and love him! I CREATED HIM FOR MERLIN'S SAKE!"

"No offense, but I think you had a little help there," - Harry Potter, A Very Harry Scenario

37. “Would this be a good time to practice my evil cackle?”

38. “Why couldn’t I get an owl again?” Ally grumbled.

“Because,” said Lily sternly, “The last pet we got you didn’t survive two weeks!”

“It wasn’t my fault!” protested the young red head, “That goldfish was suicidal-”

“You forgot to feed it!”

“It told me not to!” -Harry Potter, Shadowed Past

[KiaMii]

39. "NO SON! How many times do I have to tell you? The pink hippos go in the oven and the orange sneakers in the microwave. And if you burn them, Edward Cullen will come and eat all the heads off your barbies." - MLIA

40. Remus had a dreamy look on his face, “Chocolate Tarts…”

“Strawberry Cheesecake…” Sirius grinned widely.

Peter rubbed his stomach with a small smile, “Peanut Butter Yum-Yums…”

“And that Apple Pie.” The four boys groaned together.

“Does your whole entire life revolve around your stomachs?” Harry asked dryly.

Sirius, Peter, and James looked confusedly at the younger boy as Remus drawled, “No there are also quidditch, pranks, and females. Though I believe I’m the only one who’s interested in the last.”